Everyone is completely fine.
My sleep schedule has been really skewed lately. That's why I was still awake at quarter to 5 in the morning when I heard X suddenly start coughing. It didn't stop, so I went in to check on them and found them dry-coughing, gasping for breath, and complaining of stabbing chest pain. X has had heartburn present that way before, but this was way beyond anything they'd experienced before. We treated it as wicked reflux that had led to inhaling bile: got X sitting upright, gave them Tums and sips of soy milk, and got them into a steamy bathroom to help the lungs and windpipe recover. Their breathing gradually improved and the pain and coughing ebbed.
Just to be on the safe side, I called my health insurance company's 24-hour nurse hotline. It used to be really helpful, but at some point it turned into presumably perfectly competent RNs shelving their professional opinions and walking you through the equivalent of WebMD symptom checklists. Every once in a while the nurse would say "Hang on just a moment" until I finally said "Waiting for the next screen to load?" and they said "...yeah, basically". The stabbing chest pain was concerning, and the nurse suggested going to the ER to rule out a blood clot. We groaned a lot and considered going back to bed (or, in my case, going to bed) and getting checked out after we woke up. But at seven months pregnant, you don't fuck around with this shit, so I woke J up and we all got dressed and headed to our nearest ER. We'd never been there before, and I expect we'll occasionally be bringing FutureKid there with fevers or broken arms from tree-climbing or whatever (it's not a pediatric-specific ER, but the nearest one of those is a significant distance away), so it was useful to check it out.
The hospital was a little shabby and not the most up to date, but everyone was nice and we were seen very quickly. They put X in a nifty isolation room that even had a swing-out toilet under the sink so you don't have to venture out into germland (or expose other people to your germs, depending on who's being protected by the quarantine) if you need to pee. Everyone treated me and J as X's partners with no questions asked beyond "These people are your family? Okay, and are you comfortable having them here while I examine you?". The nurses were great except for the ones who handled the venous catheter; the one who put it in didn't think to mention they were going to do that, so X was expecting a routine blood draw and got a nasty surprise, and the one who took it out went the "swift and efficient" route rather than the "gentle and painless" route. Eergh. We got a lovely Polish doctor--I had fun pronouncing their name for X, who listened, squinted at the written name, and said "I believe you"--who was very thoughtful and efficient and friendly and smart, immediately got X some Maalox, approved food as soon as they were sure it was safe, and insisted on 30 minutes of fetal heartbeat monitoring before letting us go home. The heartbeat was soothing white noise (except when the baby kicked: thup thup thup thup thup WHOAR thup thup thup thup) that put X right to sleep, aw.
Diagnosis: horrible pregnancy heartburn, plus a burgeoning UTI (glad we caught that now insted of waiting until next week's OB appointment). Treatment: macrodantin for the UTI and Maalox as needed, elevate the head of your bed, and be glad you're giving birth in 10 weeks.
We got home shortly after 10 a.m. I still hadn't slept. I emailed in sick to work (Thursday is the worst possible day for me to do this but everyone was very nice about it) and conked out for six hours. When I woke up it was dark. My body clock feels like it was painted by Dalí. While I was asleep, X also slept for a while, and J actually worked from home, I guess because he was bored or something? After I got up, I ate some chicken nuggets and went to the pharmacy and the grocery store, and then we all stared at the wall for a while. X and J went to bed around 9:30 and since then I've been doing my best to distract myself until I'm able to sleep again.
Of course I'm PMSing on top of all this stressful stuff, and my right ear is blocked up in a way that makes me feel very anxious because it's hard to hear things and I worry that it might lead to vertigo (though no sign of that so far), so I spent the evening being full of all the emotions. Someone posted a photo on Twitter of sidewalk chalk writing about a "Sad Puppies/SJW rumble" at World Fantasy and I kind of blew up over it. I have zero ability to be around conflict right now. I'm still planning to take the train up to the con tomorrow--soooo glad I was never planning to go up today--because my need to get away from home for a bit and have a fun little vacation is extremely strong right now. People keep saying "stay home if you need to be with your family", but my family will be fine without me, and I need to not be needed for a little while. I think I'm going to be pretty tense and on edge, what with the "rumble" thing (which I'm sure is just people bullshitting, and yet) and the uproar over the safety not-a-policy (eventually sort of improved, but I don't think anyone trusts them to effectively enforce the new one, and of course that means jokes about fighting feel even less funny) and my previous issues with WFC (I did get my membership fee and banquet ticket refunded, at least, and am entirely barconning), but I can handle that. My plan is to spend time with lovely friends and congenial colleagues, avoid any unhappy interactions, celebrate some of last year's great works at the award ceremony, and then enjoy a lovely relaxing drive home with djolder.
I should probably eat something--I've barely eaten anything at all today--and then go try to sleep some more. If I'm lucky this whole thing will have reset my sleep schedule back to where it should be. Not the way I would have chosen to do that, but I'll take what I can get.