rosefox: Me looking out a window, pensive. (thoughtful)
Rose Fox ([personal profile] rosefox) wrote2016-08-19 03:05 am

"Dreaming, dreaming as the years roll by, like they always do"

Year meme thing from [personal profile] sfred. Year: 2003.

Age then: I turned 25 in June 2003.
Age now: 38.

Relationships then: I was partnered with Josh and Jen and Joe, and pursuing X like my life depended on it (I sort of felt like it did). "Just the N of Us" was starting to coalesce, and in particular I was building a wonderful friendship with Kathleen. I had become very close with Liz and David. I could not possibly count or name all the people I was on smooching terms with. The N in "Just the N of Us" was really not a joke; I think it was 7 <= N <= 13 with considerable variation over the course of two years. And there were many non-JTNOU people in my life as well, both platonic and not. I was a social butterfly and loved it.

Relationships now: Happily married to Josh and X; happily parenting Kit. The last time I smooched someone who wasn't Josh or X was... uh... years ago? It's been a while, certainly. The baby has made it hard to do evening social things like the KGB readings, so these days I'm focusing on maintaining and building on existing connections. I Skype regularly with Kathleen, Miriam, and Graham; hang out in Slack with the Subtlefriends; and get as much in-person time with Tea and Veronica as I can. My interest in relationship categorization has gone from "not much" to "zero", so that's really all I can say about that.

Where I lived then: San Francisco. In May I moved out of Kiri and Doug's grubby Sunset District walk-up and spent a month in a lovely little room-to-let with all my stuff in storage; I'd begun rental-hunting with Josh and Jen and Mik based on my lease ending in June, but my roommates broke the lease and moved out a month early, and I couldn't afford to pay a full month's rent on my own. In June the four of us moved into a much nicer* four-bedroom house in Glen Park. I had a downstairs bedroom with one small window and an enormous built-in closet. Other than the boring beige carpeting, it was basically my ideal room. The upstairs had two big open social rooms where we put mattresses on the floor and lined the walls with bookshelves. It was pretty great.

* This was before it became infested with rats and J's bedroom ceiling developed horrible mold and the cat brought in fleas from the garden and we discovered that our landlord was a useless asshat. And even with all those things it was arguably nicer than the walk-up.

Where I live now: Brooklyn. Josh and X and Kit and I have a four-bedroom apartment that's genuinely lovely without any asterisks or caveats. My room here has a slightly larger window and a much smaller closet, but hardwood floors count for a lot, and the window looks out onto trees. We sprawl on the pull-out couch instead of the floor and the walls are still lined with bookshelves (some of the same ones, even). The kitchen is VASTLY superior, the landlords are splendid, and there are no infestations at all. I hope we stay here a good long time.

Was I happy then: Often. In a post from June 2003, I wrote (rather defensively), "I'm happier than I can remember being, I'm doing a fucking fantastic job of completing my recovery from devastating emotional trauma, I've met the only real lifetime goal I've ever consistently had--a wonderful house full of happy friends--a full decade before I expected to have a chance at trying for it, I treat myself well and require the same from those I associate with, I never indulge my bad habits to the point of damaging myself or others, and I'm completely and fully satisfied with the life I live except for not being in New York and not being near [livejournal.com profile] australian_joe. I am happy and satisfied, and those who choose to rely on me for support of any kind have no complaints." I was surrounded by lovely people who liked me, and was starting to really recover from grief and disordered eating. I quit school after a year of studying architecture, which I was a little sad about, but I got my job at LegalMatch, which I really liked even though it stressed me out a lot (and eventually wrecked my arms, but that didn't happen until 2004). I was full of hopes and dreams. By the end of the year the dreams were starting to get a little worn around the edges ("I don't think I'm cut out for living with anyone full-time," I wrote in December. "Not unless it's a mansion and each of us gets a wing") but on the whole it was a pretty good year.

Am I happy now: Often, and in a way that feels much more sustainable and anchored in reality.

If you'd like me to pick a year for you to post about, leave a comment.
sfred: (Default)

[personal profile] sfred 2016-08-19 08:27 am (UTC)(link)
I love reading these: thank you.
storme: (Default)

[personal profile] storme 2016-08-19 09:35 am (UTC)(link)
That's a lovely comparison.

I'd like a year to write about.
barakta: (Default)

[personal profile] barakta 2016-08-19 10:33 am (UTC)(link)
We have met once or twice in London but I haven't followed your LJ for a long time, so it's nice to see how you are and that you're sustainably happy now.
rushthatspeaks: (Default)

[personal profile] rushthatspeaks 2016-08-19 09:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Sure, I'd like a year. This is an interesting meme.
lifesnotasong: (Default)

[personal profile] lifesnotasong 2016-08-21 05:16 am (UTC)(link)
Yes please!

[identity profile] silkensteel.livejournal.com 2016-08-19 03:12 pm (UTC)(link)
This fascinates me, and I can't guarantee a year without grief - but landmines left to rot will blow without warning.

[identity profile] browngirl.livejournal.com 2016-08-19 05:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I remember reading about those days in this journal!

WTH, pick a year.