Tonight's dinner recipe:
1) Plan to make broiled chicken thighs, mashed potatoes, and spinach. Go shopping just before store closes. Get home. Realize you have bought chicken wings instead of thighs. Panic.
2) Look up a "Japanese" chicken wings recipe
online. Think this looks pretty easy. Drink grappa. Slowly stop panicking.
3) Mix up a very basic sauce: 3 tbsp soy sauce, 3 tbsp water, 1 cup sugar, 1/2 cup vinegar. Discover that the bowl you used was too small. Pour the sauce into a bigger bowl. Discover that most of the sugar remained in the smaller bowl. Scrape it out a lot.
4) Dredge chicken wings in egg and then in flour. Lay them out on a foil-covered baking sheet. Stick them under the under-oven broiler.
5) Realize you forgot something and immediately pull the sheet out from under the broiler. Spray the wings with cooking oil. Put them back under the broiler.
6) After broiling 3 minutes, discover that the sheet is wider than the heat source. Swap the center and edge wings and broil another 2 minutes. Flip wings over. Put them back under the broiler.
7) After broiling 3 minutes, attempt to pull sheet out from under broiler. Discover that the pointy bits of the wings have gotten stuck in the broiler. Laugh hysterically because it's that or panic again. Use a wooden spoon to extricate the wings. Count them to make sure you got them all because the last thing you want is to find one of them under the stove two weeks from now.
8) Put the wings in the oven at 350F. Baste with sauce. Set timer for 30 minutes. Whenever you smell the sauce turning into carbon, baste the wings again. Meanwhile, make mashed potatoes and sauté spinach.
9) Timer goes off just as your partner decides she wants to get beer. Turn the oven off and let the wings sit in there to stay hot while she goes out to the store. Spoon the carbonized sauce over the wings so they look like you actually managed to brown them. Attempt to find a place on a chicken wing to stick a thermometer to see whether they're done; give up and assume they'll be fine.
10) Partner comes back and reports that the supermarket is closed because it's after 10 p.m. Realize you knew that. Realize it's a bit late to be having dinner. Decide not to care.
11) Have delicious chicken wings, mashed potatoes, and spinach for dinner.