rosefox: A painting of a peaceful garden. (peace)
Rose Fox ([personal profile] rosefox) wrote2016-09-26 02:34 am

"I've longed to discover something as true as this is"

I wrote this last year, on October 2:

All the fans and air conditioners and open windows that noisily let us survive the summer are quiet now. The dryer and dishwasher have finished their tasks and fallen silent. The laundry is folded and stowed. The people and cats are asleep, except for me. There is such contentment in this moment of stillness.

My brain promises me that if I do enough, and if I do it well enough, I will reach a moment of the house being perfect, at which point I can finally relax. My own work on coming to terms with my brain has helped me to expand my definition of perfection. There are little untidinesses around me, to be sure, and I'll tidy a few of them before bed; but those untidinesses also make a house a home. I don't want to live in a museum exhibit. I want to live in a place where the stray bits of cat fur and scratched-up furniture remind me of our adorable cats, and J's shirt draped over a chair and X's water bottle abandoned on the corner of the table remind me of my marvelous spouses. Soon there will be toys underfoot, and parts of bottles scattered over the kitchen counter, and tiny mismatched socks in inexplicable places, to remind me of my beloved child. And I will sit in this battered but extremely comfortable chair, and put my mug down on the fluff-attracting but gorgeously vibrant red tablecloth, in my beautiful lived-in home, and it will be perfect.

Tonight I turned off the ceiling vent fan for what is probably the last time this year, and such a beautiful hush fell. I tidied just enough to make the morning easier for J and X, and did a load of laundry mostly out of habit. Now all the machines are silent, and I'm sitting at the table in the comfy broken-in chair, and there are candles casting shimmery golden light on the red tablecloth, and everyone is asleep. There was even a tiny unmatched sock in tonight's laundry.

I was right: it's perfect.
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)

[personal profile] alatefeline 2016-09-26 12:48 pm (UTC)(link)

I hear you.

[identity profile] 2016-09-26 10:10 pm (UTC)(link)
My house looks like there is a toddler in residence. There is 1 large fabric box and 2 small fabric boxes of toys in front of the TV stand thing, as well as 2 containers of Megablocks. On the shelves, in front of the Wii games are board books, a box of wipes, and the portable diaper-changing materials box. They do not leave that area. It is clutter, but it is contained clutter. The hallways are clear, our bedroom is tidy, his bedroom is tidy, the kitchen fluctuates... I get flustered sometimes with the non-perfection (I'm having someone over to the house who's never been before, what must be scrubbed or otherwise made Perfect?), but I have a family and we *live* in our house.

I am happy for your contentedness.
ivy: Two strands of ivy against a red wall (Default)

[personal profile] ivy 2016-09-29 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for sharing; it is wonderful to see your friends happy.